Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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