i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your penis caused this!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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