it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
please come you make the beer taste better
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
