Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
