"it" just moved
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
