Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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