The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
