OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize