It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
