Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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