this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
