u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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