He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
