I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
