So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
