Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
