there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
