I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
