I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
