she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
