The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
