We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
