If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
