Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
