At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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