I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
