I have demons in me.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
