He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
