I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
