i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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