Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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