Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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