Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
