Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
