Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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