im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
