He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
