I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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