I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
