Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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