I just threw up on my dentist
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
