She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize