a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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