ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i now understand why vodka
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
