just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
