my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
