his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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