So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
