I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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