We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
