She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
