I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
