At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
