you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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