cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
