Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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