What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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