so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
