She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize