At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
