In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
