Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
