you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
