There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
