I want to make a zoo with you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
