Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
