there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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