am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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