that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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