My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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