I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
