I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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