hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
