thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
