You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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