My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
