someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
