I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
